The Keys to Relationships and How to Get the Best You Deserve From Them

If that’s what you want, then You’re stuffed… because this is the material of a world in which you seek, find, give away and then regret you ever started.

All this wanting love and romance, will kill you.

Instead, try becoming your own person. You’ll be loved more, your relationships will last longer, you’ll be respected more and probably, over time, have more romance.

A bored, unromantic, mushy, soft centred individual seeking romance and pleasure is like a fish wanting to walk. It’s far wiser to get good at swimming and enjoy it.

We’re human beings. Sure we crave love. But the love we need, is more vital than the love we want.

And the love we need is self love.

That doesn’t mean sitting in a corner caressing your neck and kissing the back of your hand. What self love means is to be enthusiastic about your life.

Enthusiasm is another word for inspiration. Inspiration however adds sustainability to the mix

Sustained enthusiasm for your life is inspiration, and inspired people get relationships that are all those sales gimmicks and more.

The lonely soul who craves those sales gimicks ends up giving themselves away, and usually half their wealth with it.

The first step to a healthy, sexy, loving, soul mate, relationship is to create a life that a soul mate might want to join you in. Otherwise you just attract like minded, needy partners whose life is also miserable and cheap.

Enthusiasm for your life

• Its natural but not automatic
• It involves discipline
• It involves doing stuff that’s stressful
• It involves staying inspired, even when the chips are down.

Story

For the last 35 years of my life, I’ve been inspired.

There were times when I went down with a sinking ship, but I always had a life jacket.

I’ve stayed inspired because I’ve wanted to be enthusiastic about what I do.

• I’ve left relationships when my enthusiasm ran out.
• I’ve stopped sports when my enthusiasm ran out.
• I’ve changed careers when the enthusiasm ran out.

Some of those changes were essential, some happened because I lacked the skill to transform circumstances to my advantage.

I think the enthusiasm that I’m talking about comes from my heart. When my heart is open to something it’s inspiring and enthusiasm shines through my eyes, ears, nose, mouth and hands.

When my heart shuts to something, no matter what I do, or how hard I work at it, the end is inevitable. I’ll be injecting energy to keep me involved that is simply unsustainable.

The Turning Point

Once, as I noted above, when the love went out, I went out.

The reason that this was my only option was that I was not my own person then.

I changed that after a few slam dunks by people who I’d become dependent on for romance and rescue. I decided to become self sufficient in enthusiasm and inspiration and therefore not be conditional on people, places and jobs.

So, I became my own person by taking back the power for it. Here’s how:

1. I became a realist. Instead of infatuating that somewhere, someone or something was going to change my life, I became totally independent of circumstance for my enthusiasm and inspiration. So, whether I was shovelling cow dung, or scratching the back of a new lover, I was inspired, regardless. Becoming a realist was simple. I just needed to see the two sides of everything and know that under green grass that looked good manure and fertiliser sat underneath. Ie Nature’s Universal Law number 1. There’s two sides to everything and therefore nothing is going to change.
2. I found out what my purpose in life is. Instead of chasing rainbows and romance, I wove my purpose in life into everything I did. That means, even if I was sitting in the rain on the side of a mountain in Nepal with 5 tired and angry clients, I could link it to my purpose. Rather than making my purpose in life like a blanket over everything, instead, I made my purpose like a silk thread that I could weave through every single thing I do. That way, I’m inspired, even when I’m in situations that are not inspiring.
3. I committed to non violence. That means “Do No Harm” This was the hardest thing because sometimes you want to shove a banana up someone’s nose, and it requires huge restraint not to. Like people who come to my workshop to learn, and then spend the whole time telling me why what they already know is fantastic…. The way I handle this is to value, as my greatest asset in life, time. Time is my God, my Guru. I choose not to waste it, I chooose not to give it where it isn’t valued, and I choose to remind myself that every second just past, is precious and gone forever. So, I worked out where I was wasting my time (trying to teach people who didn’t want to hear) and simply focussed on where my time would best achieve my result. TIME IS THE GURU
4. I don’t compete. I’m a competitive bastard really. I love the enthusiasm that comes from betterment. But I learned that enthusiasm, inspiration and competition have some conflict areas. So, I compete with me. I stopped competing with people for the best opinion, the best choices, the most money, the fastest paddling, the best blog. I compete, every single moment of my life, with me. I just love this. It makes relationships less meaningful and therefore more loving, it makes work more enjoyable and therefore less stressful. And, in health, it’s the best thing I ever did. I mostly don’t even go in competitions because each training session is absolute enthusiasm and inspiration for me. I have enough.
5. I stopped wanting love and relationships to change my life. I realised that when I’m with the ONE I want the many…. and when I’m with the MANY I want the one…. I realised that if I can’t love birds, dogs, nature, cats and trees, I can’t love. And if I can’t love everyone, I can’t love anyone. The idea of finding a cocoon in which to celebrate love and then go out to deal with the ugly, harsh realities of the world was probably one of the dumbest ideas society had shared with me. So I stopped playing blame games, stopped playing victim (oh, poor me, my partner isn’t doing what makes me happy) and started becoming the best partner I know. Love begins by acting in a way (enthusiasm and Inspired) that’s enjoyable and lovable for me.

Becoming your own person

When you meet a lover, partner or whatever, they are attraxcted to you because you are your own person. Then, very quickly they and you, start giving each other advice. The net result of which, if followed, will make you both the same.

If you listen, take, follow, comply, agree, conform, bow down to the moans, groans, complaints, stress, issues, bag of worms of your parnter, you end up like them, and that’s probably the last person on earth they want a relationship with. Most people don’t like themselves all that much.

Becoming your own person is a non violent way of saying to others, “get a life” – it’s compassionate because you don’t need to argue with them. It’s kind because you understand their intent is not evil. It’s fun, because you can stay in love even when your partner acts like a neanderthal.

Becoming your own person also requires insight. You need to understand what makes people tick so you can “no buy into” their stuff.

Most people try to become amateur psychologists. They read one book, go to a fancy workshop and think they’ve found the keys to pandora’s box. Not so.

The best and most accurate way to understand people is to know:

• Everyone has every trait
• There’s two sides to everyone
• There are seven areas of life
• You are looking at you when you look at others
• And there are some people who are evolved and some who are not. Life evolves us, and is in no great hurry to do so.
• Relationships between two people of different levels of evolution last until they are the same.
• Two people who come to a relationship will end up owning the average of what they arrived with. If one person has $10 and another has $1 – they’ll both end up with about $5 – this goes for health, wealth, happiness, love, inspiration, fun, family and all else. Couples average each other. So, choose wisely.
• Great relationships disagree 50% of their energy.
• An open minded person in one area of life is totally closed minded in another

Disappointment

Ultimately, relationships are disappointing.

The main reason for this is that people lose their sense of self, or hope that they’ll find it in a relationship. It’s not there.

If you become your own person, with your own tastes, likes, dislikes, preferences, ways, process and you can weave your silk thread of purpose into your whole life, and therefore stay enthusiastic and inspired for your life as an individual, then, there’s hope for a relationship that will purely reflect the opportunity you’ve created for yourself and your inspiration.

Finally,

The purpose of a relationship is not happiness.

The purpose of a relationship is to evolve you. Once you evolve to where that relationship was meant to evolve you to, then, the relationship has no purpose. (dead). If you leave or the relationship finishes and you’ve not done your evolving to unconditional love for that person, it’s ok, you’ll just finish that journey in the next relatonship (called repeating old patterns) – for me, it’s best to be complete one way or another so that the new relationship is not a hybrid of the old one. That’s just energy sucking, enthusiasm killing, inspiration choking process.

So, back to the sales pitch:

• Are you looking for more romance and love in your life?
• Is it time to let go the past and manifest the relationship of your dreams?
• Are old wounds holding you back from the magnificent gifts of a devotional love affair?
• Does your soul yearn for a mate who can share life’s journey with you?
• Has your energy become blocked to the potential of sacred and deep, intimate and sensual love?
• Are you ready for the wonders of Sacred Love, romance and intimacy?
• Is a soul mate what you crave, is it time?
• Bored with wake, eat, work, TV, Sleep. Want more from life?

Then simply become your own person, become inspired and enthusiastic for your life without a partner, and all the above might, surprisingly, reflect your world.